The Brazilian, Prologue

24 Jun

I bought a Groupon for a Brazilian wax at a salon in Florida. The plan is to have it done within the first few days after I arrive. Can you believe that!?! What was I thinking?!

First of all, and some of you may already be aware, but you have to grow out any hair that you intend to have waxed. It has to be “at least” a quarter of an inch. Let’s just say, I haven’t let my lawn get that out of control since high school. At the risk of crossing the line, I’m going to tell you that it is AWFUL. It looks awful, it feels awful…I’m losing my mind here. And I look like a 14 year old boy walking around scratching myself every 10 seconds. Oh yeah, now I remember why I haven’t seen my lawn in, oh, half my life. Sixteen years, it’s been!

I could go on and on about all the gory details of how much I dislike the current situation that I’m in, but I’ll spare you, delicate reader.

I called the salon to get the lowdown on what a person must do to prepare for a…Brazilian. Are you imagining pause filled with theatrical, ominous music every time I write…Brazilian. Because I am. Anyway, I was instructed to grow it out for at least 2 weeks. Being the overachiever that I am, I’ve been restraining myself for three weeks now. Upon hearing that I am a first-timer, the waxing lady informed me of a product she sells called “No Scream Cream.” I’ll leave you with that to ponder.

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2 Responses to “The Brazilian, Prologue”

  1. Story Lynne June 25, 2011 at 6:34 PM #

    Don’t do it! Ow ow ow ow ow! In my humble experience, i find that anything coming off of or out of the cha cha area is simply destined to be excruciating. And by the way… How the hell have you managed to “not let the lawn get that out of control” while pregnant?! Dude… I couldn’t even SEE the lawn, let alone get brave enough to try to f around down there with sharp instruments. It was like bad 70′s porn up in here while i was pregnant. HAHAHAHA!!! You truly are an overachiever.

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