Archive | January, 2011

3 Weeks Later

29 Jan

So, I am now 3 weeks postpartum. I am feeling much better about everything this week. I’ve had some really awesome accomplishments, mainly that I survived my first week alone with the kiddos and pretty much kicked ass. We ran some errands. As in, I went places with both kids and got stuff done. It was awesome. And I’m proud of myself. I am starting to feel normal again…other than the slight euphoria of having a good week…and the companion anxiety in anticipation of the trough I’ll inevitably hit in the near future as a result. It’s gonna happen…just don’t know when. Probably when James goes back to Colorado on business for several days in mid-February. More on that as it approaches.

But anyway. I feel like my belly is almost completely deflated. Just a little more to go and I’m not sure whether it will go down on it’s own at this point or if it will stay this way until I get back to yoga. I guess in terms of the belly my urgency is pretty much gone. As you can see from the pictures, the size of my belly is way less of an issue that the current condition of the skin covering it. This is what I was really worried about. I’m worried that my skin will be all saggy and loose even if my belly gets to a point of being flat again. I think these pictures pretty much confirm my fears. I don’t think that wrinkly, saggy stuff is going to magically recover. And I think as the belly continues to deflate, more of the tummy will acquire that saggy, wrinkly look. I’m not thrilled about it, but what can I do at this point? It is what it is.

For the record, I am sucking in pretty hard in this picture.

Could be worse!

The REALLY scary shit...

About 2 days ago I started wearing a compression belt around my hips. Maybe you’ve heard about this product called Shrinkx? It’s supposed to help you get your hips back to their pre-pregnancy size. I’ll admit I am insecure enough to have almost bought one. But then I was reading the Amazon reviews and looking at the pictures and I realized I pretty much already have something incredibly similar. I have this maternity support belt I got from Motherhood when I was pregnant with Dags. From what I can tell it’s the same design as this Shrinkx belt but just a different material. So I’ve been wearing my ghetto hip shrinker belt and plan to wear it as long as I can stand up to 8 weeks, just like you’re supposed to do with the Shrinkx. I just put the maternity support belt low and tight around my hips. Voila. I saved myself $50. I think.

Other than my ghetto shrinker belt, I’ve been doing absolutely nothing to lose weight or exercise or any of that. Unless you count breastfeeding, which I do not. I have been eating bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch late at night in lieu of ice cream, but it’s only because I actually want the cereal more than I want ice cream. It’s weird, but I’m running with it for now because I’m pretty sure I’ll make up the difference soon anyway. Not to mention the amount of Sara Lee pie and various cookies that I eat when it’s not late at night.

The Day The Music Died

27 Jan

Project Revolution 2008

OK…so in my heart…the music will NEVER die. But check this out. I had a revelation of parental nature the other day. Mother by Danzig was playing on the radio. Aside: I love radio. Real, local, FM radio, not the new-fangled satellite stuff with no commercials. Although truthfully I’ve never had satellite radio. But then I would miss out on the local DJ’s and the cool stuff that goes along with listening to local stations…fundraisers, griping about local news and whatnot. I seriously love radio. But ANYWAY. So I was listening to Danzig and for the first time EVER, I felt a twinge of defensiveness listening to the lyrics. Holy sheets! I am the mother in the song now! I am no longer the hot young thing chasing after the bad boys. Nooooooooooooooo! When did this happen!?!?! Alright. Yes. I know when it happened. It happened on July 4, 2009. So, my point being…am I turning into my mother?!?!? A little bit yes, I already knew that, but that’s a tale for a different night, a night of getting blitzed on various tropical-themed adult beverages. Seriously though. This was a pivotal moment in my life. I felt the Earth shift a little bit. I couldn’t bring myself to really jam to the song anymore. I was pissed at Danzig, I wanted to kick him in the nuts, put him in a headlock (sure…I could do that) and tell him to keep the fuck away from my precious daughter. Which got me to thinking. What about all the other music I love that is totally inappropriate for children? Will I slowly lose my love for raunchy dance tunes and angst-ridden rock music? Oh my gawd, I really hope not. Will I take offense to every anti-parent anthem? And if I don’t develop a disgust for it all, how am I going to get my fix?! Should I stop listening to the music I love in the company of my children? Should I attempt to let them listen and keep a open dialog about lyrics and the issues they bring up? How will I explain it to my kids when I’m passionately belting out “I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK?”

I have lots of questions and not very many answers here. I once read the quote, “Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life,” which is attributed to Berthold Auerbach. It’s a beautiful and intensely relevant sentiment for me. My selfish side really wants to go with the open dialog option, but I can already see the flaws. It’s going to be quite awhile before my kiddos are ready to even have a dialog about a lot of issues that come up in pop music these days. So yeah…I may have to sacrifice and let some dust accumulate on my soul. But I’m thinking maybe the kiddos will help wash it off with their antics.

Gasp! You know what just occured to me!? I might have to start exercising to give myself an excuse to listen to music. Eek!

Update

21 Jan

Well, I’m late on my post and I have no idea what to write. I wanted to make a post that wasn’t baby-related but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I do have a birth experience post that I’m writing up but it still needs a lot of work. So I’ll save that for an undefined future date. I guess I’ll just write a rambling update of what’s going on.

As most everyone should have figured out. I had that darned baby finally! Bode James arrived on January 7th at 6:52pm. He was huge. 9 lbs, 1 oz and 21 1/4″ long. It’s been 2 weeks now. I am still finding everything to be very surreal. I don’t see any resemblance to either myself or James so in a lot of ways it feels like he’s not really mine. Which is not to say that I don’t love him through and through. And which is not to say that I don’t think he is one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen. It’s just weird still.

In case you missed it on Facebook or Twitter, the name is pronounced “Bo-Dee” same as the U.S. Olympic skier Bode Miller.

Dagny is doing really well so far, but I can tell having Bode around is starting to stress her a little bit. She has started whining and fake crying a LOT. She gets upset at the smallest things. She asks to be picked up constantly…especially during Bode’s diaper changes and while we’re preparing food. She has done a wonderful job of dealing with feedings so far other than the occasional running off laughing with my burp cloth. She has also shown incredible tenderness and concern for Bode, as well as a general fascination with him. I love her so much and it makes me so proud to see her act this way. It’s also a relief to see her interested in a positive way, because I am terrified that she will reject him and be upset with us for bringing him home.

James seems to be doing just fine with the transition and I am, to gravely understate it, overwhelmed. On the one hand it’s good because all I can really focus on is whatever task is at hand. On the other hand, exhaustion is creeping up on me and the adrenaline rush I remember from the early weeks with Dagny has not manifested itself this time around. Nonetheless things are going well. Today was my first day without help. My mom flew back to Florida yesterday. It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined…but staring down a long line of days without help is, how shall I put it? Freaking me out.

It will all come together I’m sure, but for now I’m still a deer in some big-ass headlights. I am thankful for the weekend to have arrived without incident. We’re going to go check out some fancy strollers tomorrow at Babyland in East Liberty. Hopefully a double stroller will help me get out of the house and run errands during the week. I’ve already decided to move grocery day to the weekend for now.

I finally feel like my body is reverting back a little bit, which is comforting. I still have some really weird stuff going on but it’s only been 2 weeks. The skin on my belly is still very tender to the touch. Like, it hurts to rub lotion on it. At the same time it almost feels numb around my navel area. I also discovered that not only did my stretch marks extend further UP, they also extended further down…right into my…business district. Now that I can see it again. It’s just a little, but unexpected nonetheless. One thing that is neat (I use that word loosely here) is that the way they grew from my old ones, the whole mess of them kind of makes a heart shape around my tummy. I almost like it. I’m actually kind of interested to see what it’s going to look like when everything settles back into place. I wonder if they can tattoo on stretched skin like that.

I’m also struggling with something my OB casually mentioned right before he took leave of the delivery room. Ever heard of a prolapsed uterus? Yeah…well apparently one of my internal organs…I’ll let you guess which one…is verrrrrry close to being partially external. What. The. Fork. I can’t even express to you how disconcerting this is. And even though he said it should “go back,” the internet doesn’t mention anything about this condition going back to normal. Can I just tell you that I’ve become very aware of doing my kegels these days. God, I hope it works.

Well anyway. So that’s the condensed version.

Before & After Delivery

13 Jan

Between contractions...

And the front view.

Less than 24 hours later.

Very hard to share this one :(

Well, not much to say here. It is what it is. I wish the thumbnails were smaller! I’m trying to be optimistic, and truthfully a lot has changed with my body since the post-delivery pics.

Still pretty plump

Front view, ewwww

Sucking in as hard as I can...

It’s just so scary and overwhelming to think about how and IF my tummy will go back to the way it was 10 or even 6 months ago. There is definitely a lot more postpartum belly this time around, among many other things that I didn’t experience last time. More on that someday.

Update: I know you all know you can click on those thumbnails and see the pics full size….right?

Buddha Belly

11 Jan

When I was pregnant with Dags, we took a picture of me emulating the Hotei Buddha on my due date. So I thought it would be fun to do it again and compare them. Well, as it turns out…little man decided to join us on the outside one day early so I did not get my chance to reenact the pose on my due date this time. I had looked at these ahead of time and the first time around I had makeup on and I also put body makeup on my belly and legs. I had forgotten all about that. Seems like cheating to me now…not that I wouldn’t have slathered body makeup all over myself if I had made it to my due date. I do however have a makeup-free version from a few days ago (when I was 39 Weeks & 2 Days.)

This was the day I was supposed to give birth to Dagny. She waited until 8 days later to finally join us on the outside.

Baddha Konasana at 39 Weeks, 2 Days. No makeup, no body makeup. I think I look damn good :D

I do plan to make a nice post about the whole experience this time around. Please bear with me as I am not super motivated to do much writing and even if I was, time is scarce. I refuse to type an entire post with one hand so we may just have to wait until I get another free hour or two. Heh.

I also DID take some before and after delivery photos of my belly. People…I used up one of my 5 minutes between contractions to take some pictures of my belly immediately before we left for the hospital. I also had James take a bunch the day after I gave birth. I’ll try to share those in the next week or so also.

I tempted fate…and fate schooled me.

6 Jan

For Christmas I got Dagny a couple of things I knew with complete certainty that she would love. I also knew that they would require constant supervision or restraints during their use. Crayons and markers. Silly me…I decided to leave them out for her to use at her leisure. She did a freaking AWESOME job of using them only on paper at her table and generally being a very well-behaved little artist. Until tonight.

I told her, "go stand by the mess" and she ran right over, turned around, and gave me this sheepish look. How could I even be upset?

She pointed here and told me it was a rainbow. A monochromatic green rainbow, but my heart gets all mushy when she tells me she's drawn something specific. So far she's drawn a boat, a smiley and lots of rainbows in her short career.

Here she is telling us what color the mess is. Green.

And finally, she insisted on helping with the cleanup. Anything for more bubbles.

It was a good run…about 3 days…and I really can’t blame anyone but myself. No regrets here. I bought washable everything, and it wiped right off with Greased Lightning and a washcloth. However, I am now keeping the crayons and markers out of reach unless we’re having dedicated drawing time. Fool me once… … …shame on…you. Ya fool me…ya can’t get fooled again.

In the spirit of this post, I found out about a hilarious and awesome blog called Shit My Kids Ruined when my mother-in-law gave me their book for Christmas. I laughed so hard I cried for the better part of an hour reading through that book. How did I not know about it before!? Anyway…I’m telling you, so you don’t miss out on the laughs like I had been doing.

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